I think every parent (even more so in first timers) has a fear that their child could have a delay or disability. It's a fact there are children with special needs and it's just so easy to find ourselves obsessing over what's perceived and touted as the norm. With the Internet and Dr. Google at our fingertips we can create illusions and dilemmas where there isn't one.
Over the last two years I've slowly come to the realization that theses developmental milestones are only a guide. Kids do things at their own pace and for the most part, there's nothing we can do rush their growth or comprehension or mastery of a skill. Whether it's personality or biology that prohibits some kids from performing on par with the a majority of the population, we should encourage our children and not let ourselves be consumed with worry and fear when they don't line up to others.
Already prone to worry and uncertainty, Cakes being born prematurely did nothing to quell my anxiety. Visiting an occupational therapist at six months (non-adjusted) and being told she was developmentally delayed because she wasn't rolling over from front to back and vice versa was frustrating to me, but I didn't let it paralyze me with fear. Instead, I worked a little longer and harder with her each day, despite the tears and anger flails of her little hands and feet. And one day not to long after that appointment, on her own terms, not when the charts on the internet predicted or the therapist decided, she rolled over. I've eventually been able to check off all of the skills up to this point. She didn't crawl until 11 months and didn't walk until 15 months (these are all non-adjusted ages) and at times I worried but she was happy and healthy and reaching milestones in other areas, even some that were advanced skills for a baby several months older than her. I think a big part of all of this was her strong willed personality and resolve to not be forced into doing things until she was ready.
Now I'm ready for her to potty train but haven't had any luck in that area. She's motivated to sit on the potty because she knows that means a story and some nim's (M&Ms;). She's not interested in doing anything else, at least not at this point. And part of me has to wonder, if I'm just spinning my wheels and should wait for her to tell me when she's ready. I'm not usually someone that wants my little girl to grow up so fast – yes, I was eager for her to reach the walking and crawling milestones, but I know other parents who can't wait for their child to be able to watch a feature length movie while sitting still or move to a big kid bed – so I don't know if this is just another time to watch and wait or this is a battle I should face head on – strong willed mama versus strong willed child.
Do you get worried when your child doesn't hit developmental milestones? Any potty training tips or trips on how to handle a strong willed child?
After having 5 kids, with one that didn't even sit up on her own until after 12 months, I don't worry so much about the milestones. As long as they're healthy and progressing, they're doing just fine! 🙂
I love hearing your stories about development.. it reassures me! 🙂
I'm trying not to worry about the little things, but with so much information about what they should be doing, it can be had to focus on what they have done! Having nearly lost both my twins I just appreciate everything they do, they will get there in the end, when they are ready.
I'm actaully secretly pleased they haven't got a massive vocabulary yet, already they chat ALL DAY, and havent even learnt the word 'WHY' yet, OMG it will drive me crazy!
Developmental milestones are hard I think. Especially when your child/ren skip some things and do some things that are way advanced but then are missing some of the things that seem more simple.
It is hard to know when to worry.
But as it turns out, both of my boys actually have real delays (they are fraternal twins).
But we found the help we need and we are slowly and sometimes quickly making progress.
Potty training is our next step and one I am not particularly looking forward to as both of my boys are considered non-verbal. But we will get through this just like we get through everything.
I didn't worry about the development delays until my twins were born 10 weeks early. They do almost everything late and thankfully my doctor was on top of things. My son was diagnosed with CP a year before most kids because he was looking so carefully. At 13 1/2 months (adjusted age) he is right where he should be because he has been getting physical therapy for 8 months. I think it's more important to see if your kid is making progress and listen to your doctor than a chart.
Potty training is a hard issue and everyone will have their own theories. The child has to be ready. If not, you're hard work is totally in vain.
I still worry with number eight. He's crawling, pulling himself up and walking along furniture at 6.5 months! No that's not what I worry about, it's his weight. I have had mostly big babies in the 8-9 lb 10 oz range, with a couple just under 8 lbs. However, none have been much over 20 lbs at a year. Yet I have a friend whose baby was 20 lbs at 5-6 months – it's the whole comparison trap. Gets me every time.
I have some children who learned to read at age 3 or 4 and others who are struggling along at 7-9. It's tough.
Potty training a strong willed child? Go with the flow. Take advantage of their interest, allow them choices and of course the M & Ms you mentioned. Our oldest daughter was strong willed and she took pride in her new bunk bed. She wet the bed once, but never again. It was amazing. So watch for things that peak her interest and use that to help you in her potty training.
Every child is different with their own built in time table so what works for one may not work for another. The mystery of parenting! We are blessed! (right?!) 🙂
I quit using the charts after my first child…glad I did, because my 7th child was definitely on his own, "I'll do it when I want" schedule.
She is so cute and your WW picture is darling!
Becky Jane
My son was saying words at eight months. Then he stopped. His older by 9 weeks cousin talks a LOT.
I don't care. He is perfect. Your bean is perfect. We as moms should not worry about the milestones. They will be judged enough in their lives for what they can and can't do without us doing it to them too, kwim? Let's just love them with all our heart 🙂
I think it's just in us to be concerned on what level or stage our child is at. Even tho both of my children are walking, eating on their own, potty trained, blah blah… I now worry about their schooling.
Are they where they need to be at Kindergarten/5th grade? Does he read fluently and not choppy? Does she know what comes after a "D"?
As far as potty training, we went commando with my son. It worked so well that we tried it with my daughter too.– perfection! We were in the house all day but I put a t-shirt on them and nothing else. We sat on the potty every 10 minutes.
During those days, at night we did the diaper thing. As soon as we woke up, off it came and we did the routine again.
But, I will say this….. I only started doing this when they showed signs of interest.
After having 3 kids in 21 months, I think I'm done having kids. I just can't imagine having another child anytime soon, and then I think I won't want to start over, but who knows? I reserve the right to change my mind down the road.
I worried a lot with my first. I always compared her to the other kids in daycare. She was slower than everyone to meet a lot of milestones, but still "OK" by the guides. The exception was with talking. She didn't talk early, but once she did, she just started talking up a storm. By the time my son was born (she was 20 months old) she was talking in sentences.
My son also hit milestones later than his peers, and he is 17 months old and no where near the level his sister was with his language skills. BUT…I'm not worried. He does everything when he wants to, and I have learned to not compare him to other kids, especially his sister. There are things he excels in, like motor skills. He is way more coordinated now than his sister is, even at 3.
OK, sorry for going on and on like that. My point is that you can't compare. You'll just set yourself up for disappointment. All kids are different. It sounds like your daughter is doing just fine, and I don't think you have anything to worry about.
My first is 4 months old. I do worry a bit in all honesty. However she seems fine.
She's rolled over a handful of times, but doesn't do it consistently… yet she has a strong trunk (per dr) and her neck was stable early. She's trying to sit up. She's experimenting with hr voice.
I'm actually worried about her weight. She's long for her age, but skinny…
There's always something to worry about, right?
~Darcy @ Tales From the Nursery~
Hm.. Yeah my first child (now two) didn't roll over front/back OR back/front until after he started crawling. Was I concerned? Never. He was so ahead of the game everywhere else – he could jump, sit up, and do all sorts of other things, but he *HATED* his tummy and just decided to scream instead of trying to do something about it. He still has that personality – when he's stuck, he stops and screams. We're trying so hard to teach him that he needs to ask for help instead of freaking out.
My 4mo rolled over from belly to back when he was 5 weeks old. total fluke I'm sure, but he did it. he's just starting to show signs of rolling onto his tummy now too. But he doesn't bear weight on his legs really – and hates being in his bouncy seat and bumbo.
It's so funny, these kids. They just are who they are and when they want to be.
Potty Training?? Andrew is afraid of the big potty, and HATES his little potty. we even bought a second one, which "No Way" is a potty. "its a stool."
Someday. I'm thinking that he's not ready yet though because just a few days ago I undressed him to get him into the shower, and he POOPED on the FLOOR in my bathroom. Had no reason to believe this would be a problem until he was almost done pooping. ugh. talk about grossness.
I'm sure I worried about it a lot more with the first one than my second, but I realized pretty quickly that there's a wide range of normal and it didn't really matter when it happened as long as it happened. 🙂
This is something I always wonder about with our premie NICU graduates. I know it's not what parents want to hear, but usually I have to tell them that every baby is different and they will do things at their own pace.
I had a preemie that was born 8 weeks early and we did a few years of PT, OT and speech and he is now in 3rd grade and doing just fine and you'd never know that he was a preemie. Although on the potty training thing, I was pretty sure I was going to send him to kindergarten in pull ups. ;/ He finally decided one day to do it and that was the end of that. 🙂