19 Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Before you say, “I Do”, make sure to find the answers to these 19 Questions to Ask Before Marriage. The answers to these questions may make or break your marriage.

Whether you have been together for years or just a few months, these are the questions to ask before marriage. The items listed below are important to talk about before you say your wedding “I Do’s!” in order to have a successful marriage.

Why? Because believe it or not, some of the answers you might receive from these questions could become deal-breakers.

Asking these tough questions ahead of time will help you both to get on the same page for the long term. Or it will open your eyes that there is room for discussion, or quite frankly you might part your separate ways.

What To Talk About Before Marriage

Plan for your marriage, not the wedding. Take that time to really ensure that you can build a strong and solid foundation together. While wedding planning can take months, you get blinded by the bigger questions that need to be answered. Debt, kids, and so much more.

19 Questions To Ask Before Marriage

Debt

When you get married, their debt becomes your debt. Talk about credit cards, late payments, and all things that belong to finances.

See if they have life insurance, 401K, all things to get you lined up for your future financially. Sadly money issues play a huge roll in fighting amongst married couples. Lay it all out on the table so you both can be transparent.

Bank Accounts

Do you want a shared account? Or will you both decide to keep it separate? Who pays for what bills that will be rolling in. Kind of create a blank system of how you foresee the future of your finances.

You also need to talk to see if your partner likes to spend money or save money. If you are opposites, it can take time to smooth out the differences you have in terms of how you see the money.

Religion

If you have different outlooks on your religion, this could result in issues in the marriage. One partner might push for conversion to their denomination, try to convert, or even push you to go to church.

We have to accept our spouse as they are, and not hope we can change them. Sit down and really have a deep talk about your faith and what you see for your future between the two of you. 

Kids

Do you want kids? How many do you want? If not, what will your birth control plan be?

If you were to have a boy, do you want them to be circumcised? Do you believe in baptizing your child?

All of these questions to ask before marriage are important. While they may seem small now, just imagine welcoming a new baby into the world. Then you can’t decide on what church to baptize your child on because you both are from different denominations.

You might decide to talk about how you plan to discipline your children, public or homeschooling, will you be a stay at home parent, etc.

Another area is what if you have trouble getting pregnant. Do you believe in adoption, IVF, having a surrogate, and the list goes on.

And if you do get pregnant, what happens when you miscarry? Or have a baby prematurely?

Red Flags

Does your marriage have any red flags? Any abuse, addictions, criminal issues?

Listen to friends and family openly if there are any red flags to your marriage. Then sit down together and talk it out. These are important questions to ask before marriage because divorce is growing by the day, and if you can prevent a divorce, it would be best for both of you.

Roles Around The House

Doing all the chores and watching your spouse sit and relax can become tiresome. Sit down and fill out this weekly cleaning schedule and mark things each of you will take on. It shows unity, commitment, and helping each other out. If he takes the trash out and cleans the dishes, you can cook and do the laundry. However, it works, create a system where you both put effort into your home.

Secrets

When you get married, you are together all the time. Yes, you have jobs and outside friends, but you become a lot closer. Make sure to share those deep dark secrets. You don’t want years down the line your spouse to find out something you have been hiding for years. That could create a lot of resentment and them feeling lied to.

Deal Breakers

Do you have any deal-breakers to the relationship? Is there something that your spouse could do that would instantly make you walk out the door without second-guessing?

Future

Talk about your future. Do you plan to move one day, if so, where? What type of careers do you want to be in? All of these things are important. The reason being is if one person gets offered a job in another state, you fully uproot. So if your spouse is not willing to move that needs to be discussed and worked out before the wedding day.

Life Skills 

Can you soon to be spouse live their life following proper life skills? Knowing how to cook food, paying bills on time, getting up and going to work, how to do laundry, etc.

You might be shocked that if you just move in with someone you see a whole new side. That can be scary and an eye-opener. So talking about it before you tie the knot is helpful.  

Divorce

Talk about divorce. That is one thing you don’t hear a lot about.

Do you believe in divorce? If you were struggling in your marriage, would you just walk out? Or maybe offer to go to counseling together…and so on. Finding out what the other ones feel can help prepare you in case you hit some bumps in the road along the marriage journey.

Priorities

See how you rank each other in terms of priorities. Will what your parents want to do outshine what your spouse wants. That is a huge issue in many marriages. One person puts there family before their spouse, and it can cause a lot of resentment and fights.

Holidays

Holidays are meant to share with the family. Since you are now married, how will your holidays look like? Do you go to your in-laws or your side of the family? How will you create that happy medium, so everyone is happy?

Fighting

Talk about how you would handle a big argument. Are you going to storm out the door and go to your parents, or sit and talk? Give each other space or ignore each other for three days straight? Talk about rules for fighting. Maybe create that classic rule of not going to bed angry.

In-Laws

In-laws, in the beginning, can create a lot of issues. If your partner has a family that lives close, you might find the need to create healthy boundaries. Talk about how often you feel it is okay for them to visit, and things of that nature. Sometimes not being honest and building up the anger can result in an unwanted or needed fight later on. 

Pets 

Are you an animal lover? Allergic to cats? Share those things with your partner. I would assume you already know this about them, but always good to talk about it. Some people dream of having a dog grow up with their baby, and soon to be spouse might feel the complete opposite. 

Politics 

While you don’t have to see eye to eye, you also need to know ahead of time. Will you agree to disagree, or will it create a heated debated. Some people are very passionate about politics, and if you marry having different views, it is bound to cause some ruffles in the marriage. 

Travel 

Traveling isn’t something everyone does. But some people have a need for seeing the wonders of the world. Talk with your spouse and see how they feel.

Are they content living in a house and having the occasional vacation? Or will they constantly be wanting to go on cruises, travel the world and see what is out there? These are questions to ask before marriage. 

If they want opposite things, that could really add a change into finances. Traveling isn’t cheap. And traveling as a family costs even more.

Hobbies 

Do you share similar hobbies? Are you willing to create a hobby together to create a bonding between the two? Some hobbies can be expensive so if you or your partner love sky diving or building things, that is good to know.

Hobbies are great when they are enjoyed here and there. But if your love language is quality time and your partner is golfing every single weekend, this could lead to resentment of not spending time together from the other significant other. 

In the end. You really just need to make sure that you are sitting down and really getting to know each other — the ins and outs of their life and what they dream up for the future. Marriage is a lifelong commitment that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Just like jumping into a career or buying a new car, there is preliminary work required. 

Make sure you take the time beforehand to get to know each other. Set yourself up for success and don’t become another statistic of divorce. With commitment, patience, and communication, you can do your best to give it all you can for setting up a successful and happy marriage. 

Which of these questions to ask before marriage did you ask?

More marriage advice:

• How to Stay in Love with Your Spouse
• Ways to Be a Better Husband
• What Your Husband Needs Every Day